I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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