I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
