I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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