Where did you get a picture of my penis
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
