i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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