that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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