He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
