The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
