This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
