I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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