worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
