my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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