I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
