Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
