No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
