1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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