ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
