I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And then he peed in my hair
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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