Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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