You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
