I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
