Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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