My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
