How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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