I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
