I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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