something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
