I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
