i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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