names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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