i think my tv is drunk
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just want nice things and good sex
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
