i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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