youre lurking in front of me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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