Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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