I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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