Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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