I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
