I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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