You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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