His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize