fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
