and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
