I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
