I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
