My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
