can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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