im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
