i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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