I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
