I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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