fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have feelings that need drinking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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