i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
