can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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