It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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