Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
