So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like iHOP with fire
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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