they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry about my life...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
