I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
