I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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