Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize