When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
