shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
