You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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