You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
