I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
