I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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