I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
