i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
