my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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