Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
