I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
